Dealing with Difficult Clients
Dealing with difficult clients is a common experience in veterinary medicine. While it's important to prioritize physical and psychological safety (no exceptions!), many vets face clients who are demanding, argumentative, or down-right disrespectful. These encounters can be emotionally draining, yet they're often an unavoidable part of the job.
Who is a difficult client?
Many clients who we label as "difficult" fall into common categories. They may be unhappy with recommendations that don't align with their expectations. They may become frustrated with the complexity of cases and the time required for treatment. Some dispute the cost of veterinary care, often believing it to be excessive or motivated by profit. Additionally, clients may harbor mistrust toward veterinarians due to factors such as age, gender, race, or previous experiences. Finally, there are clients with whom veterinarians may simply not align in regards to differing opinions about treatment, outcomes or end-of-life care.
In any of these cases, the client may express dissatisfaction with the veterinarian, the team, the diagnostic and treatment plans, and may be skeptical and resistant to medical recommendations.
What makes a client difficult?
It's important to recognize that these clients are not inherently difficult; rather, they are behaving in a normal human fashion. And the stress we experience arises from our own perceptions and reactions to their behavior. Our stress arises from our belief that they are being difficult.
By understanding that these clients are simply acting as clients, and that we are labeling them as “difficult” based on our own expectations, veterinarians and their teams can better manage stress and improve these interactions.
Beliefs that make you think your client is difficult:
Stressful client interactions often stem from two main types of thoughts. The first involves the belief that clients should behave differently or have different beliefs. The second involves negative thoughts about oneself and the potential consequences of client dissatisfaction, a form of catastrophizing. This article focuses on the first thought pattern.
My clients should behave differently.
This type of thinking often reflects societal expectations and personal biases about how clients should act. But believing that someone should behave differently than they always do, only creates stress for us. Our resistance to their behavior is what leads to our feelings of anger and frustration. A coaching tool called "the manual" can help us understand this phenomenon.
The Manual
Imagine that you have a manual for how you behave. Someone could pick up this manual and read it and learn what expectations you have for yourself and how you behave in any given situation. Your manual also contains information for how you think other people should behave. We all have unwritten expectations about how others should behave, and clients are no exception. These manuals also include beliefs about communication, trust, and the role of the veterinarian and client.
We all assume that the things in our manuals are obvious. And that everybody else's manual should be pretty much the same as ours. We take for granted that people should behave in certain ways. We assume that our manual is normal and reasonable and everybody else would agree with it. But this is never true. Each person’s manual is unique to them because it has been unconsciously written since early childhood, and includes all their prior experiences, learnings and unique perspectives and opinions.
Here’s an example:
A veterinarian’s manual about their clients may say:
The client should follow my recommendations.
The client should know that I am doing what I think is best for their pet.
The client should trust me.
The client should not call me three times a day.
The client should always be polite and respectful.
The client shouldn’t complain about cost.
But clients have their own manuals too!
For example, their manual may read as:
I should be able to question anything I want.
I should be able to express my frustration.
I expect my veterinarian to look older than me.
I expect a lot more for this amount of money.
It is my right to call whenever I have a question.
I am allowed to yell when I feel angry.
Very different manuals, indeed!
Conflicting Manuals
In most circumstances, a difficult client is merely a difference in expectation. We are all operating from our own manuals, and we each believe our manual to be correct.
So when clients do not adhere to our manuals, it can lead to conflict and stress, because we believe that our manual is correct and that they are doing something wrong. Therefore we believe that they are the problem and that they should change.
Why does this matter?
We want other people to follow our manual in order for us to feel a certain way. We unconsciously believe that when someone does not follow our manual it means something negative or bad. When a client behaves in a manner you have deemed “difficult”, you experience negative emotion because of what you are making their behavior mean. “They don’t trust me, they don’t respect me, they don’t like me…” are all thoughts that will trigger negative emotion in you.
You are interpreting their actions according to the text in your manual which states that if they did trust, like and respect you, they would behave differently! But because they are not behaving as you expect, you assume that their behavior means something bad about you. And this leads to frustration, resentment, stress, anxiety, and a whole entourage of other negative emotions.
This is why these types of client interactions feel so draining.
So what can we do?
First, it's essential to understand that these difficult client behaviors often stem from personal beliefs, prior life experiences and expectations, rather than a deliberate intent to be difficult. And by recognizing that our perceptions of clients are influenced by our own thoughts and biases, we can develop strategies to manage these interactions more effectively.
How to find relief
Relief comes from recognizing that clients cannot be changed. They will act according to their own manuals, regardless of the expectations of others.
While it can be helpful to discuss expectations and boundaries with clients, the most important thing is not to allow their behavior to dictate your emotional state. By understanding that clients may act in certain ways and reframing your perspective and thoughts about them, you can reduce your stress and improve your interactions.
Consider this: Just as you accept a dog's barking behavior, you can accept a client's difficult behavior as a predictable part of your job.
By adopting this mindset, you can approach challenges with a more detached and objective perspective, and create a plan for these types of interactions. Just as you would create a plan and a chill protocol for a difficult patient!
Practical Strategies:
When faced with difficult client behavior, such as an unwillingness to listen, rudeness or yelling, it's important to remain calm and professional. Instead of getting caught up in the drama, use these situations as opportunities to set boundaries and move on. By focusing on your own wellbeing and maintaining a positive attitude, you can navigate challenging client interactions more effectively.
By understanding that a client's behavior is not a reflection of you, you can shift your mindset from frustration to one of calmness and control. Their behavior is a reflection of them. And even if they truly don’t like you or respect you, it doesn’t matter anyway. By knowing your own worth, you can choose to believe good things about yourself, and create your own feelings of confidence, satisfaction and peace. You do not need their approval to know that you are a good doctor.
Creating a plan for interacting with challenging clients can help you approach situations more objectively and reduce stress. Just as you create a plan for dealing with an aggressive dog or a fractious cat, you can also create plans to work with challenging clients. This plan can include strategies for setting boundaries, maintaining a positive attitude, preparing appropriate responses, deciding when to terminate a relationship, and managing your own emotions.
By adopting these approaches, you'll find yourself feeling less drained, more in control, and less likely to experience negative emotions like resentment, anxiety or anger. This will not only improve your interactions with clients but it will also enhance your overall wellbeing as a veterinary professional.
How can you accomplish this?
Coaching is a valuable tool for veterinary professionals seeking to improve their wellbeing and skills. By retraining your brain, you will be less stressed, regardless of the type of client in your exam room! Remember, a difficult client does not mean that anything has gone wrong. Instead, they offer opportunities for learning and growth. Embracing this perspective can bring peace of mind, resilience, and help you feel better, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling career.
Dr. Amy Grimm is a veterinarian and certified life coach working to improve the mental health and wellbeing of all veterinary professionals.
Find her at www.daringdvm.com or subscribe to the Daring DVM Podcast for weekly coaching, practical strategies and mindset tools to create your veterinary life of intention, fulfillment and joy.
If you would like to learn more about dealing with difficult clients, and the second thought pattern that creates stress in our interactions with them, listen to Episode 23 of the Daring DVM Podcast: Dealing with Difficult, Demanding and Displeased Clients.
LINKS
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Podcast https://daringdvm.podbean.com/
Ep 23 https://daringdvm.podbean.com/e/dealing-with-difficult-demanding-and-displeased-clients/